I have been blogging for more than a decade with articles about life, struggles, wishes, hopes and disappointments that have define the current me. But I have not actually made a post of what I feel inside, the real loving Florencio which I was named. Manual To Lyf was a blog all about the generalities of life and what one should never miss out. However, I come to realize that I was never in a relationship with someone at all in my 27 years of existence.
Yes, I can be branded as single since birth, but I do acknowledge that I fell in love many times but seems to have a hindrance in many forms and situations. I felt that the reason why I am not in a relationship because I was destined to. It felt like a punishment for me for not achieving my goals which I have worked for but also got into a lot of mess. I just looked beyond from afar on the girls which would have been the one that gives me more reasons to smile and love.
I thought I was contented with having friends and family on my side to give me inspiration to get by everyday, but I would be fooling myself that I have everything I need. Man is a sociable being and is meant to find the person who shares at least a common interest and feeling. In recent years, I am now gradually opening myself to cherish that person which I really look forward to be my partner for life.
I do view Relationships as long term and the reason to really find the one. So if I do fall, I imagine myself with her through the rest of my life.
Well what is the cause of having this new blog about love. It is because of LOVE. And I am enjoying doing more stupid things I have never done to get to her. Lets call her "Fireworks" for cryptic purposes and won't expose me for now.
Fireworks was an acquaintance 2 years ago but it was not love at first sight rather fun talking about out similarities and even had a picture together that day. Until we met again in several occasions that started to grow in me that feeling of wanting to see her again. She is indeed beautiful with a strong personality, a woman that is not a damsel in distress but also a hero in her own way and fashion.
I love talking to her, and I would like to know when we will meet again. She just got off a relationship recently which I would not like to intrude right away, it would either make me a "rebound" or opportunist. It is actually good news for me to see her now more often, but what keeps me away from making the first move? I have several factors, first is FEAR. Fear of being rejected of being alone, of being a loser. Having through a lot of harsh moments created my fear to be a perfectionist and procrastinator at the same time. I also think that my present situation as having a freelance work with limited resources and no savings make me think of how I am unworthy for her. I'm actually applying for a regular job and starting to save, which I have not done for quite some time.
Pathetic as it may seems, it does make me a "torpe" for not being direct. But I believe that there is that time, expected or unexpected these moments would come. I really just hope I would say to her directly "I Love You".
Thus, I have now this blog, Manual To Love. Ironic for a first-time lover like me, I guess this will be the home of my emotional butterflies and my journey in finding love, which I already have but still in the process of getting close.
So I'm brushing up on the ways to court her, walk her home, give her gifts, watch a movie with her, probably what will come to mind that we will both agree. Well everything is indeed unusual when you are in this feeling.
I actually made poems and dedications, with "Dear Fireworks" addressing her. I feel that after this post, I would be more confident to be frank, I would not settle to be just cherishing her from a distance. That is why this one is inspired by her.
To end this long pioneer post, let me end it with a short dedication:
Dear Fireworks,
Yes, I LOVE YOU, and I hope you would read this. It may sound cheesy but this has been the product of what love can do. It is Powerful, and disturbs my systems, and I like it. I know we do have moments of connection, I dread every moment you have to say 'bye'. But I look forward to see you again. Hopefully to hold your hand and enjoy the world together. Please bring light on my darkest skies and always shine the brightest.
Florencio
Florencio
We are all made of Love
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